Rating:

Right, firstly a confession.

I spent the entire stay at the Vista Nova hotel cursing that big hill that leads up to it. You know the one; it starts between Poco Loco’s and the green bank; (Banca March?) they’ve put steps on it now, with banister rails and everything, but when we stayed there, the hill was pretty much a dirt track, so you couldn’t even crawl up it. So, walking up it, PROPERLY knackered you out.

But that’s nothing – last year, we stayed at the Torrenova Playa. Now THAT’S a bloody hill. I swear blind I lost a stone when I stayed there, so in many ways, I wish I’d stayed there a month.

So back to the Vista Nova, then, where the hill leading up to it is, when compared to the other one, like walking up the stairs at home. The other hill makes you realise just what a good location the Vista Nova is in.

My review is probably slightly out of date because we stayed there about three or four years ago now, but unless they’ve moved a few walls or taken some floors down or replaced the lift with some parachute packs, then not much will have changed.

Now seeing as this is a hotel, and not an apartment block, we could only get two in a room. There were six of us, so that meant having three rooms – great if you’re intent on bringing a bird back every night because it’s only one mate that you have to foist on someone else, but it’s not so good for facilitating lads’ camaraderie, not helped by the fact that our party’s rooms were all on different floors.

The rooms are a bit small as well, which is OK for us lads, because ‘getting ready’ consists of a shower and a squirt of Lynx, but for the girlies, it might get a bit, er, intimate. Well, I presume so – obviously I can’t be sure, so if any girls want to invite me to do an observant review on their endeavours to get ready in this rather confined space, for the purpose of any updates to this review then feel free to PM me, and I’ll visit you. Ahem.

On the upside, there was a telly, and air conditioning, the latter of which in my opinion is an absolute must in a place like Magaluf. The views are nothing to write home for, unless you like looking at Poco Locos’ roof or a massive satellite dish, but some rooms overlook the pool.

And it has to be said, the pool area is rather good – the pool itself is a good size, there are plenty of loungers, a bar, and direct access to the restaurant. You can stay half or full board, and I presume you could, if you wanted to, stay ‘room only’. Half board is ample though, but my advice would be to treat ‘breakfast’ like you would the kebab shop after your night out, as they really do serve at proper breakfast time, between 7 and 10am, as opposed to Magaluf breakfast time.

My mates did exactly that – and got a right good scran upon returning from Boomerang’s. There they were, staggering all over the place and stinking of ale, whilst mums and dads are getting their kids’ breakfasts ready.

And this can be a bone of contention for some. Personally, we were OK with having families around, but I’m not convinced that the families were OK with us – a bunch of six 30-ish blokes chucking a rugby ball around whilst supping ale and swearing. That said, we made friends with a few families – maybe that just illustrates the type of family that likes to take their holidays in central Magaluf?

Either way, it’s very well located for pretty much everything including a supermarket, which is located opposite the cul-de-sac where the main entrance to the hotel is. You certainly can’t moan about the distance from the beach, or from the bars and restaurants. The hotel is fairly prominent, and yet there is little noise intrusion from the action that is so close by.

Would I stay there again? Bloody right, I would. We didn’t pay silly money for it, it wasn’t overly noisy, the food was adequate, and it was close to everything.

The hill? Pah – what hill?